508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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