you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
