Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
