Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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