They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
