Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
