My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
