i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
