He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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