Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize