I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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