Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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