so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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