I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
