hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just had sex bonerless
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
