I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
