Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
