It was confusing and full of hummus
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
