3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
