lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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