he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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