I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
