my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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