whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
