If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
