I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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