Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize