Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
