I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
