dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
