If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
