get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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