Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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