just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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