I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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