If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
