4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
