We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Houston, we have a blender
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
