one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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