There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
