I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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