I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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