The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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