SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
