You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize