i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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