He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
