he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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