I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
