what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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