Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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