I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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