Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
