if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
