what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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