just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
