9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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