Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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