Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
