Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
