Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
