Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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