My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
