I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
