Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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