forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
