is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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