Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
