I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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