i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
