I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
